Sunday, March 22, 2009

Strapping Swedish Swordsman Pussy Whipped in Brazilian Pine Barrens


I have to note with pride that my hometown paper, the New York Post, has been on a roll lately. On Thursday, the Post ran the front page headline, “PUSSY WHIPPED!”, about a small-time celebrity who had thrown her cat at her sleeping fiancé.

The next day, page 2 of the paper included the headline, “IT’S BUSH COME TO SHOVE IN WAX WAR”. The State of New Jersey, apparently having nothing better to do, was about to outlaw “’Brazilian’ bikini waxes”, and hirsute Garden State women were outraged because “officials have no business legislating what women do with their, uh, Pine Barrens.“

That same day, New Jersey officials dropped the planned Brazilian wax ban. The headline of the resulting Post article wasn’t great (“NJ Scraps Ban on Brazilian Waxing”), but the lead sentence of the article happily announced that “New Jersey is smoothing out differences over a plan to ban bare-it-all bikini waxing.”

But to make up for its somewhat disappointing wax-ban performance, the Post produced “They Made Swede Love: Divorce Countess’ Heart Pierced By Fencer’s Blade”. I particularly like the opening paragraph:
An "off the reservation" countess who complains she can't live on a measly $36 million divorce settlement admitted she had a steamy affair with a strapping Swedish swordsman during her tumultuous marriage.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts with Thumbnails